R-207 · 45 single · A/B
MacArthur Pie
In the PACEX catalogue from day one.
Both sides
Open a title for its lyrics.
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AMacArthur Pie5:02
[Spoken Introduction] Ladies and gentlemen... I have played kings, generals, and men betrayed by fate. But never... a pastry chef. [Verse 1] I had played a king at supper, I had wept on cue for years, So I faced a bowl of apples With an actor’s lack of fear. Every actor makes a record When the final curtain falls; I had found a kitchen apron And ignored the warning calls. [Pre-Chorus] The recipe said, “Keep it simple,” But simplicity is small. I added cloves, a jar of treacle, And perhaps too much of all. At two, I bore it through the garden, Like a crown upon a tray. I placed it proudly by the bandstand And prepared what I would say. [Chorus] MacArthur Pie, beneath a threatening sky, I brought you proudly to the green. The brass band fled, the pigeons cried, The heavens opened wide. Not every actor ought to sing, Not every singer ought to bake. But pie up in the sky, my love, Is easier to make. [Verse 2] I placed it on a royal-blue plate As I waited there for you. The first drop struck its centre, Then another thousand flew. The crust collapsed in silence; All the apples left the stage. The filling crossed the pavement In a cinnamon parade. [Chorus] MacArthur Pie, beneath a furious sky, Your brave performance had begun. The pastry sailed beyond the gate; The custard met its fate. Not everybody bakes a cake, However grand the claim. And shouting lyrics at the clouds Will not improve the flame. [Orchestral Interlude] [Spoken Bridge] Not every actor can become a singer. Not every singer can bake a cake. But any man with an orchestra behind him... Can promise you pie in the sky. [Fast Instrumental] [Verse 3] You arrived beneath an umbrella At the end of movement three. You surveyed the ruined pastry, The orchestra, and me. I declared the storm had murdered Every dream upon that plate. You removed an apple from my collar And pronounced it “slightly late.” You said, “Darling, all this thunder Doesn’t make the pastry right. Next time, spare us the finale... And set the oven light.” [Final Chorus] MacArthur Pie, beneath a clearing sky, Your expedition was complete. The brass returned, the pigeons dined, I bowed to my defeat. Not every actor ought to sing, And some should never bake. But pie up in the sky, my love, Is very hard to break. [Spoken Outro] Next Sunday... sandwiches.
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BA Small Part in a Large Parade2:32
[Spoken Intro] They asked me to take part. Naturally, I asked which part. [Verse 1] I arrived in borrowed morning dress At twenty-five to ten I shook the hands of councillors And shook them all again I asked who held the speeches And who would call my name They handed me a wooden pole The other fellow never came [Chorus] A small part in a large parade A gentleman behind a sign I thought I'd lead the county band The back of it was mine Let the mayor have his motorcar Let the captain have his braid I am walking very splendidly A small part in a large parade [Verse 2] The drummer's little daughter Had a blister on her heel She tried to keep on smiling As the band began to wheel I put her on my shoulders And she took the pole from me She said, "You are the tallest man I've ever paid to see" [Woodwind Interlude] [Bridge] There was no speech at luncheon There was no engraved award But somebody sent a photograph That I have had restored [Final Chorus] A small part in a large parade A gentleman behind a sign The girl who rode upon my back Was having quite a time Let the mayor have his motorcar Let the captain have his braid I was useful for an afternoon A small part in a large parade [Spoken Tag] Next year, she says, I may be promoted to a horse.
Heard on AFVN